dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
