Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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