angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
