don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
