Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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