My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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