Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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