the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
