I need help removing her.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
