He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
