i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
