I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
