i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
