A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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