How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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