Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
