Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
