Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
