Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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