I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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