Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
