I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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