my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
