i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize