I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
