I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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