Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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