He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
