You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
