the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize