# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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