I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sex in a hospital.. check
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
