I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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