He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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