Apparently you make a good broom.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
