chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize