dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
