apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
