Where is the hickey?
Someone shit on the floor
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
