no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
