You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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