dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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