Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
