whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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