she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize