I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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