you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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