There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
