I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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