Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
