Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
