dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
