Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
