man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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