he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
