Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
