I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
