He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
