woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
