we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
