im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
