have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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