She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
