took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
