Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
