apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
