I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize