You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
