Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I could fuck to npr.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize