All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
