On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
