i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
